Scared!!!

Scared!!!

My fear after experiencing my first miscarriage was that I would have to experience a second one. I am so thankful that I am pregnant now, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that history will repeat itself. My husband keeps telling me to stop worrying, but that is easier said than done. With my first pregnancy I was so carefree I never bothered to check "What Not to do While Pregnant" list or websites, now I find myself wanting to check constantly to make sure I am doing/eating something that is deemed safe for pregnant women. At church on Sunday my Pastor talked about faith and believing in God once he sets things into motion. My faith in God is what has sustained me through the loss of my first baby, then my aunt, and even my own father. I AM SCARED that I am going to lose this baby and that I won’t make it to January. I am angry that I am finding myself to have so little faith. I know I need to let go and let God, but I so want to be in control of this. After intercourse with my DH last night I am experiencing brown/yellowish discharge which has got me in a panic. I am also feeling cramping but it is very mild, Friday cannot get here fast enough as I have so many questions for my OBGYN. I will close this post with a prayer and I ask all who read my blog to send good vibes my way as I will do the same for you.

Dear God I am calling on you to help me understand that this pregnancy is not in my control. Please help me to realize that I can't live this pregnancy in fear and that you will do what you deem is right for me. Please allow me to focus on the joys of this pregnancy and take away my worry. I am now turning my pregnancy over to the Lord, continue to watch over me and my family as we take it day by day.