April 25, 2013

TTC Prayer


TTC Prayer

One of my New Years Resolutions for 2013 was to read the Bible in its entirety and thanks to my iPad Bible app (yes there's an app for that lol)  I am well on my way. With the app you can choose plans and the version of the Bible that you are interested in which makes for a much quicker read. I say all this to say that although the verses are pre-chosen for me I sometimes feel that what I am reading is helping me on my TTC journey. 
A few nights ago I read about Hannah, a woman who was barren and wanted to have a child of her own. She prayed to God for years asking for a child and promised that if she were to become pregnant she would turn the child over to God as a servant. Well Hannah became pregnant and bore a son whom she named Samuel which means "God Hears" and she gave him over to the Lord as promised. The story of this woman touched me, it talked about how she was taunted and humiliated for being barren and yet she kept her faith in the Lord and continue to pray for what she wanted. Reading this story has reaffirmed for me that God does hear my prayers and he knows what my heart desires, I truly believe that I will be become a mother someday as long as I keep my faith and continue to pray for my blessing. I sometimes find myself wanting to wallow in self pity and accused God of abandoning me, but he hasn't and I wont stop dreaming of a child with my hair and Dave's eyes. I ask that God grant me the patience to become a better me and wait on the gift he has for me. I believe that God can preform miracles and I so badly need one now.
If anyone reads this blog post any prayers you can send up for me would be greatly appreciated. I am closing this post with a song that melts my hurt every time I hear it and leaves me with tears of joy.

Tamela Mann written & produced by Kirk Franklin, Take me to the King


April 23, 2013

Vitamins for One



Vitamins for One

I am officially on the vitamin wagon as I am trying a more natural approach to my BFP. Although my RE doctor gave me little to no hope for conceiving on my own, I feel as if I owe it to myself to at least try. I am hoping that within the next four months I will see two lines appear on a HPT, one can dream right. So here is the list of vitamins I am currently taking and why....

Royal Jelly= 2000MG (1 pill) Royal Jelly is rich in amino acids, lipids, sugars, vitamins, and most importantly, proteins. It contains high levels of vitamins D and E, and also has ample levels of iron and calcium. As all of these are essential to proper health and organ function, it is very easy to see how Royal Jelly can help with in assisting with fertility.
  1. To increase libido
  2. Support egg and sperm health
  3. Diminish and reduce the signs of aging
  4. To reduce inflammation caused by illness or injury
  5. To naturally boost the body’s immune system
Coq10=200MG (4 pills) Within women, the processes of maintaining eggs, ovulating and developing an embryo are energetically expensive and may be compromised with falling levels of CoQ10 as they age. No studies have been completed on women to test this hypothesis, but an interesting study was undertaken on mice and published in a 2009 edition of "Fertility and Sterility." In the Canadian study, aged female mice were given CoQ10 and other supplements that stimulate mitochondria production and their egg quality was measured against a placebo group. The researchers from the Toronto Centre for Advanced Reproductive Technology found that CoQ10 supplementation increased the quantity and quality of eggs ovulated in the test group. It should be noted, however, that animal study results may not be borne out in people.

Omega 3 Fish Oil= 1000MG (1 pill) Omega-3 fatty acids can help you with fertility in that there is some research that suggests that they help to promote natural ovulation. They do this by helping to extend the portion of your cycle in which you are the most fertile. There is also some evidence ro suggest that omega-3 fatty acids can help make a woman’s cycle more regular.
To be sure, Omega-3 fatty acids are not only useful for fertility. Certainly the benefits of Omega-3 fatty acids for a woman once she has become pregnant have been sufficiently researched.  Evidence suggests that Omega-3 fatty acids can help avoid miscarriage, as well as helping avoid certain birth defects and helping to reduce the risk that the woman will prematurely go into labor.

B6=100MG (1pill) Vitamin B6 has so many benefits. It helps to stave off depression that is a part of PMS. The main area that B6 helps with fertility is to treat a luteal phase defect.
The luteal phase (the time from ovulation to menstruation) ideally should be over 10 days long (11-16 days is the norm). If it’s shorter than 10 days it’s called a luteal phase defect. Normally a luteal phase shorter than 10 days cannot sustain a new pregnancy and can possibly end up in miscarriage. The good news is a luteal phase defect is one of the most easily treated and cured.


DHEA= 25MG (2 pills)DHEA increases IVF pregnancy rates, DHEA increases the number of eggs and embryos, DHEA improves the quality of eggs, DHEA improves the quality of embryos, DHEA reduces aneuploidy (chromosomal abnormalities) in embryos, DHEADHEA shortens the time to pregnancy, DHEA increases spontaneous conceptions, DHEA improves cumulative pregnancy rates in patients under fertility treatment

April 17, 2013

Egg Donor???



Egg Donor???

The week after my HSG appointment I was on cloud nine, I figured God was finally cutting me a break in regards to my fertility struggles and that things were starting to turn around. When I arrived for my appointment on April 12, 2013 I never in  a million years thought that my fertility would be nonexistent. I never thought my doctor would open with "You wont be able to give birth to a biological child." That sentence damn near stopped my heart, I couldn't believe that this is what 2.5 years of TTC would end with. After telling me about my option to use eggs from a female donor I almost cried. DH and I have always dreamed of children with my eyes and his hair, etc... and now those dreams wont come true. I was so shocked after my diagnoses that I didn't really take the time to ask questions and understand what it all meant. He stated that my AMH came back undetected meaning it was less that .16 and that the likelihood of anything being a success was slim to none. They gave me a packet on Egg donor and talked about what would happen next if I chose to go that route and ushered me out of the hospital with this new heavy burden. I have decided that even though I was given such a gloomy news I am not giving up just yet. I am now looking into alternative methods (vitamins & working out) to improve improve egg quality and give my last few eggs a fighting chance. I figure the egg donor route will always be an option, but I will only have so many years left within my peak fertility age bracket. If anyone reads this please send a prayer up for me as I embark on this new road to mommy hood.

Clear HSG Exam




Clear HSG Exam

So on Friday April 5, 2013 I went and took another HSG exam, the second exam in 2 years. I must admit I was nervous going in, because I now find myself unsure of my fertility with the DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) bomb dropped last week. I kept thinking that it all just goes down hill from here and having one or two blocked tubes seemed to be right up my ally. However, after hoping up on the exam table for approximately ten minutes and not really feeling any huge pain my doctor stated that both tubes were open. I then found myself letting out the huge breath I had been holding since the exam began. I prayed before the procedure asking God to allow for a positive outcome and I found myself praying again when it was all over thanking him for allowing things to go in our (DH and I) favor. I will meet with my RE again next Friday to go over all of the exams and come up with a definite plan in May. I'm so nervous about this appointment, because my google searches are coming back with not so positive outcomes for women who suffer from DOR.

April 5, 2013

Heartbeat...

Heartbeat...

When I watched Beyonce's Life is But a Dream HBO Documentary the above video really hit home. The connection I felt to my little bean has not gone away, his/her heartbeat touched me in ways I can't describe. I too envisioned what my child would look like and what it would be like to see my belly grow with a child inside it. The pain of no longer hearing the heartbeat will stay with me forever. I now know it wasn't meant to be and my experience has made me a stronger woman and one day hopefully a better mother.

April 1, 2013

RE Appointment



RE Appointment

Dave and I had an RE appointment on Tuesday March 26th and although I wasn't prepared for all the news that was given to us, I feel prepared and motivated moving forward. The appointment was with Dr. Kovanci at the Woman's Pavilion in Houston and overall I was impressed with his knowledge and his desire to address any of our concerns and issues.

The meeting however did begin crappy as we were informed that our patient files from the past two years had not been faxed to their office as we were told by our doctors. Files that contained Dave's SA results  and my medical workup were no where to be found, as a result we both tried to recall information that was told to us over a year ago. To make a long story short I was not a happy camper. When I doctor arrived to meet us he was trying to piece together a best and worst case scenario as we had nothing else to go on. He then took us and preformed an ultrasound and had me complete a blood test to check AMH levels.

From the ultrasound Dr. Kovanci concluded that I had a low ovarian reserve, meaning I am not producing the amount of eggs that are considered normal for my age group. At the time of my ultrasound I only had 2-3 eggs in each of my Ovaries and for a woman my age the number should be closer to 10 on each side. This news completely knocked me out, I never thought I had any issues as my gynecologist never said anything to me about it. This news was pretty upsetting as I already knew that as of now there is no way to increase the amount of eggs a woman has, we are all born with a set number at birth. Going into our appointment I expected to deal with Dave's low sperm count and motility and here I was finding out that we both have fertility issues. I guess we were lucky at all to have even been able to conceive on our own last summer.

We concluded our meeting by looking at the best and worse case scenario and a appointment for me to retake the HSG exam.


BEST CASE: He stated that we were both "young" and having a sperm issue would be fine as he believed IUI would be the solution to our problem and my low ovarian reserve would not be a factor. 
WORST CASE: HSG shows that tubes are blocked in which case we would need to move onto IVF and with our low sperm and eggs it would be very difficult for us to conceive. 

With all that shoved at me I feel I took the news pretty well, I will be taking my HSG soon and we are scheduled to sit down and plan out future examinations next Friday. I will keep you all updated.

Miscarriage Story



Miscarriage Story

I am the face of 1 in 4, as I suffered a miscarriage on August 20, 2012. Statistcally speaking 40% of all pregnancy result in a miscarriage. Believe me that number hardly makes me feel any better. I wish I could say I knew this was coming or I had thought something was wrong, but never in a million years did I think this could/would hapen to me. DH and I were so happy and excited to be carrying bean that we immediately told friends and family only to have to retract it weeks later, because our baby had stopped developing.

I went to the restroom late August 20th  and while peeing a huge clot of blood fell into the toilet, I immediately freaked out and called my husband as he was at work for the night. I knew immediately that bean was gone, i mean there was so much blood I couldn't imagine this story having a happy ending. After speaking with my DH i decided that I needed to go to the ER, my DH met me there and together we listened as our ER doctor explained that bean had stopped growing at 9 weeks even though we believed we were in week 11. I went home and stayed in bed all day refusing to go to work, I was so upset at myself and God for giving and then taking away my precious gift.  I felt like I was being punished for some deed I had forgotten I had done. I wanted answers and of course the only one I heard was "These things happen, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it." I went to see Dr. Timmins a few days later with DH and she confirmed what our ER doctor had seen, we were given a choice to take medicine or have a D&C to rid my body of the tissue. I decided that medicine would be best as I didn't want to have to go through a surgery. I took the medication on Friday August 24th and immediately had severe cramps and bleeding that got heavier each hour that passed. Eventually I passed several large clots on Saturday morning ending the pregnancy that I wanted so badly.

I wish I could say that was the end of my bleeding, but on the following Monday I decided that I would go to work after having an uneventful Sunday. Hell it was the first day of school, what kind of teacher isn't there to greet her students on the first day? The answer come to find out is ME. I went to work with every intention of staying the full day as I thought my bleeding was under control. Well when I got to school I immediatley went to the bathroom and noticed that my pad was soaked, I changed it and figured okay no problem I can do this. Not even 45 minutes later I went back to the restroom only to see another soaked pad, at this point I was freaking out. I again changed my pad and went to my classroom and this time decided to stay seated as my advisory class chatted about their summer. While sitting in my chair I felt a huge gush of blood, I stood up to see not only was my chair blood red but I had soaked through my clothing. Talk about being scared I was terrified, I took off my jacket (thank God I had one on) and tied it around my waste and  went to the bathroom to try and clean up the best I could. I called my doctor to let her know what had happened and she advised I come in immediately, my DH had to come and get me from school because I was  told due to the blood I was loosing I couldn't drive myself. To end this story, my doctor found that my bleeding was due to the fact that I was trying to pass the sack and it had gotten stuck keeping my cervix open and causing the gushes of blood.

I hope to never have to experience a loss such as this again, having to hear hundreds of times how sorry people were for my loss was like a knife to my heart. I just wanted to scream for people to leave me alone and stop asking me if I was ok. You want a truthful answer I am not okay and I don't think I ever will be. Here I was pregnant with my first child only to loose it weeks later. I fear for my next pregnancy, I fear that I will never have a "next pregnancy," and  I fear that this miscarriage will keep me from every truly enjoying a pregnancy.

New Blog New Me...



New Blog New Me...

I decided that I wanted to start a new blog, my last one was beginning to turn a little too dark even for me.  Its a new year and I am looking forward to conceiving a baby this year, totally deserving a pat on the back for my upbeat spirit LOL. To update you a little on the TTC journey Dave and I have seen an RE and will be moving towards IUI in May. To start us on the path to parenthood, I will once again have to take an HSG exam and Dave had to complete an updated sperm analysis. I really am hoping that this year ends on a positive note as 2012 left me with a giant whole in my heart. I look forward to what is in store for Dave and I this year as we enter our third year of marriage, I gotta feeling mother or not this year will be a great year for me.