Miscarriage Story

Miscarriage Story

I am the face of 1 in 4, as I suffered a miscarriage on August 20, 2012. Statistcally speaking 40% of all pregnancy result in a miscarriage. Believe me that number hardly makes me feel any better. I wish I could say I knew this was coming or I had thought something was wrong, but never in a million years did I think this could/would hapen to me. DH and I were so happy and excited to be carrying bean that we immediately told friends and family only to have to retract it weeks later, because our baby had stopped developing.

I went to the restroom late August 20th  and while peeing a huge clot of blood fell into the toilet, I immediately freaked out and called my husband as he was at work for the night. I knew immediately that bean was gone, i mean there was so much blood I couldn't imagine this story having a happy ending. After speaking with my DH i decided that I needed to go to the ER, my DH met me there and together we listened as our ER doctor explained that bean had stopped growing at 9 weeks even though we believed we were in week 11. I went home and stayed in bed all day refusing to go to work, I was so upset at myself and God for giving and then taking away my precious gift.  I felt like I was being punished for some deed I had forgotten I had done. I wanted answers and of course the only one I heard was "These things happen, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it." I went to see Dr. Timmins a few days later with DH and she confirmed what our ER doctor had seen, we were given a choice to take medicine or have a D&C to rid my body of the tissue. I decided that medicine would be best as I didn't want to have to go through a surgery. I took the medication on Friday August 24th and immediately had severe cramps and bleeding that got heavier each hour that passed. Eventually I passed several large clots on Saturday morning ending the pregnancy that I wanted so badly.

I wish I could say that was the end of my bleeding, but on the following Monday I decided that I would go to work after having an uneventful Sunday. Hell it was the first day of school, what kind of teacher isn't there to greet her students on the first day? The answer come to find out is ME. I went to work with every intention of staying the full day as I thought my bleeding was under control. Well when I got to school I immediatley went to the bathroom and noticed that my pad was soaked, I changed it and figured okay no problem I can do this. Not even 45 minutes later I went back to the restroom only to see another soaked pad, at this point I was freaking out. I again changed my pad and went to my classroom and this time decided to stay seated as my advisory class chatted about their summer. While sitting in my chair I felt a huge gush of blood, I stood up to see not only was my chair blood red but I had soaked through my clothing. Talk about being scared I was terrified, I took off my jacket (thank God I had one on) and tied it around my waste and  went to the bathroom to try and clean up the best I could. I called my doctor to let her know what had happened and she advised I come in immediately, my DH had to come and get me from school because I was  told due to the blood I was loosing I couldn't drive myself. To end this story, my doctor found that my bleeding was due to the fact that I was trying to pass the sack and it had gotten stuck keeping my cervix open and causing the gushes of blood.

I hope to never have to experience a loss such as this again, having to hear hundreds of times how sorry people were for my loss was like a knife to my heart. I just wanted to scream for people to leave me alone and stop asking me if I was ok. You want a truthful answer I am not okay and I don't think I ever will be. Here I was pregnant with my first child only to loose it weeks later. I fear for my next pregnancy, I fear that I will never have a "next pregnancy," and  I fear that this miscarriage will keep me from every truly enjoying a pregnancy.